2 RODENTS 1 CUP

Triple twEEE! Be sure to cover your internet tracks or there'll be no home made rhubarb crumble and snuggywuggles for you tonight!

GUNTHER & BURGENSTEIN: Available NOW for a terribly LIMITED period ONLY!!

'Established in the summer of 2011 - Gunther & Burgenstein have been creating high quality, bespoke, digitially crafted keyrings for just over 6 months.'

These limited edition, one of a kind, bespoke keyrings are now available to the public for a very limited period only!

ALERT: YOU ARE WASTING VALUABLE BUYING TIME READING THIS!

QUICK! Follow THIS link!

Please enter the phrase 'BLOATEDMOLLUSK' at the checkout for a chance to win a 0.25% discount on all orders over £3.50!!!

BON VOYAGE

.-

The fish got too big for the pond!

NOW RECRUITING

.-

RAVAGED BY NOSTALGIA...

DETHSCALATOR...

If you havent already heard of them, Dethscalator provide the instore music for Accessorize and Monsoon stores nationwide. Follow THIS link and treat yourself to the Chakra Enema of a lifetime!

SAME TIME TOMORROW?

432971 and 124942 having a little natter on their dinner break...

Someone needs a holiday...

SHIT HAPPENED...

Needless to say, Darren didnt get the job at the Warner Bros store...

BOOBY TRAP...

Keep your eyes peeled for these little buggers. They're poppin up all over the place now the suns out.

ITS CHRIIIIISTMAS!

Remember this? The pinnacle of my artistic career!? Well now you can buy it your mad Nana or wacky little brother for christmas for the measly sum of £7 in a variety of sizes and colours!

Follow the link!

DADDY'S HOME!

GRIMWALD'S LAMENT

Times up!

Dream a little dream of me...

Every Friday....

... at the kareoke she sang Bruce Springsteen's Born to Run.

And every Friday she got the words wrong.

SUCKLE!

Buy Taste the Whip - feel good zine of the year and other assorted

jizz HERE!

TIMMY & CHRISSY!

TRY SOMETHING NEW!

REVERSE HUSTLE!!

GET IN THE BOOT...

Off on a positive charge - bon voyage!

A touch of someone else's class....

Picking dirty carrier bags up off the street is hit and miss. Most of the time its either a piece of shit or a used nappy, but every once in a while...

'Oh...go on then!'

Zelda skives another AA meeting...

The future spews forth from an unsuspecting pint glass! It would have been rude not to take a photo.

Lord of the Rings Trilogy on legs

Battenburg's Bristol Journal: BS2

After a fleeting visit to BS3, Battenburg set sail for shores of a more diverse persuasion. Following a strange green smog on the horizon, he soon found himself walking the culturaly kaleidoscopic pavements of St.Pauls.

Several hours spent observing the inhabitants revealed that Saint Paul was actually the patron saint of weed.

Battenburgs' notes reference strange nocturnal creatures with abnormally sized eyes, spotted darting from burrow to burrow in the small hours, draped in tribal robes bearing astrological symbols and wearing top hats (some adorned with small bells, presumably so as not to lose one another in the dark). Battenburg, entrigued by their spiritual symbolism and evasive behaviour set a trap baited with a powder referred to by locals as 'K'. After succesfully capturing his query, he was dissapointed to find the pasty white creatures were unable to string a coherent sentence together and were completly useless on every conceivable level (other than to perform menial tasks in exchange for the afore mentioned powder).

Battenburg's studies of BS2 were terminated abruptly after drunkenly expressing preferences of a homosexual nature to a group of malnourished Somali men.

Once safely back on board, Battenburg set the co-ordinates for the belly of the beast....BS-1!

Roll over Jesus...

...there's a new victim in town...and he's had the same pair of underpants on for 7 months. Tangy!

... is the first in a series of short stories based in MOLD - Hysteric Market Town. Guaranteed to turn the finest wine into water!

TOXIC CRUSADERS

To infinity....AND BEYOND!!

For your pleasure...

He came, he saw...he ripped reality a new arsehole!

You can buy this t shirt right.....NOW!

http://africanapparel.bigcartel.com/product/freddy-t-shirt

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LncAQR47eZo

2 minutes 13 seconds No-one can touch that shit!

If Ashtrays Could Talk....

10 BERKELEY MENTHOL AND AN ALTERNATIVE REALITY PLEASE....

DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE

Dabblin...

Leona Lewis' new album cover

Some people...honestly!

This got posted anonymously through our letterbox the other day.

Words really cant explain how much it has enhanced my life.

Laugh? I nearly got a job!

I dont think this is very funny but it seemed like a good idea

at the time.

Click to make it go bigger...

I couldnt decide what to wear whilst drawing this picture so I wore the punky leather jacket AND the hip hop baseball cap just to be on the safe side. I bet your wondering what trainers I had on - they were cowboy boots actually! Futage!'

Jehovah Shitness!

'Hi! We called today to try and make you feel bad about having fun, but you werent home so we left you this booklet in the hope your retarded enough to join our merry band of homophobic morons!'

BS3:

Far be it from me to pigeon-hole an entire post code but

im going to anyway...

Click to make it go bigger...

Illustrated notes taken from David Battenburgs journal 'A Life Amongst 'Normals''. Battenburg spent several hours with the indigenous peoples of Bedminster recording their conversations and rituals before setting sail for more 'culturally diverse' shores.

I heard things start to get pretty freaky around BS39...Huge, cranium crushing increases in air pressure, translucent skin an all that jizz!

CUBE...

Illustration from the Cube Cinema Program...

The green was much tangier in reality - whatever that is!

I am working in a Fruit n veg warehouse at the moment. Some people have all the luck! Today I found sanctuary amongst the cucumbers when Phil Collins made an unexpected appearence via the radio. Cucumber anthems!

Heres something you dont see everyday....

The managers office and the type of highly confidential paperwork you would perhaps find on his desk.

DONATE TO (adults with the mental age of) CHILDREN IN NEED!

£3.00 - DONT THINK - JUST CLICK! DO IT!!!!

Secretly Serious...

Hiya Guyz! I recently went through a short phase of staring out of my bedroom window till 4 in the morning. This phase produced a visual fruit that goes by the name of Taste the Whip - A 36 page, black and white book rigerously pumped with over-dramatic climax on a multitude of inconceivable levels! It deals with such topical hot potatoes as global warming, tantric rape and the weed idled tit of a single mother of 3 from Merthyr Tidfyl...

Here is an illustration from one of 4 short stories called 'Happy Endings'. A Rom-Com

featuring a morphine induced piece of shit that bares an uncanny resemblance to Clark

Gable. You will never get to read this story, and others like it unless you give me £3.00!

DO IT NOW WORM!

I dispatch an illegal immigrant within 3 to 4 unemployed days to hand deliver your copy so if you see a strange man with bad skin and a hard-on wandering round your front garden - Dont panic! Hes just doing his job.

People who read this book also read: no other books because they didnt need to read another book ever again after reading this one.

TOWER OF POWER!

Suckle on this!

Nana in the penthouse bustin out some genesynth on christmas day!

Only 221 shopping days left till Christmas....

 ....so if your looking for stocking fillers you can wipe the sweat from that pasty white brow! They still sell Golly Wogs in Wales! 

ENVIRON-MENTAL!

Once youve read how Ginsterz are planning to save energy around the house, perhaps you too will find your own special way of lowering your carbon footprint , leaving you with enough good karma to stare at the next door neighbours cats arsehole for an extra 12 seconds per day.

Stay green garbage hedz!

FOR YOUR PLEASURE....